WAR WITH ELDC

As of 12.30 this afternoon, Old Rectoryland is at war with East Lindsey District Council.

The decision to declare war was reached by the King after all other avenues had been pursued and failed, announcing in his speech to the nation today that a note requested by the Ministry of Offence with ELDC's confirmation that they would not be committing a threatened act of domestic terrorism upon Horncastle Town Hall had not been received by the 11am deadline this morning.

In his speech, the King explained the reasons for mobilising the nation's offensive forces, emphasising that "We have a clear conscience, we have done all that any campaign could do to establish peace, but a situation in which no word given by ELDC’s rulers could be trusted, and no people or town could feel itself safe, had become intolerable."

The ELDC announced its intention to destroy the well-loved civic building, which is rightfully owned by the townspeople, on Tuesday morning, against the advice of its professional advisors; however it is alleged that they had made a deal with an anonymous developer months or even years before the decision was officially taken.

In exclusive interviews with this newspaper, the King directly compared the plight of the Town Hall to that of Poland at the beginning of the Second World War, with ELDC in the place of the Nazis. This paper assumes therefore that the government of Old Rectoryland sees itself in the role of Britain, with the Town Hall Working Group and admirable, but hopefully more steadfast, France.

The Imperial Althing will be briefed this afternoon, and the King has also expressed the wish that all citizens, combatants and non-combatants, "play your parts with calmness and courage".

The full declaration of war, with the Kingdom of Lindisfaras' list of grievances, can be found here.