Old Rectorian News

The King's Christmas Message 2011

2011-12-25T17:37:00.001-08:00

Romany, Irish Traveller, Tinker, Tramp and Licensed Itinerant Act 2011

2011-10-12T06:20:00.000-07:00

WHEREAS the example of Dale Farm has shown the issue to be contentious and urgent;

WHEREAS so-called "traveller" encampments have become a blot on the landscape, contributing to pollution and fly-tipping;

WHEREAS petrol and diesel are non-renewable fuels which produce large quantities of pollution;

WHEREAS if romanies, travellers, and other itinerants wish to settle permanently in one place and no longer travel they must be held to the same sets of rights and responsibilities as any other non-itinerant citizen;

WHEREAS so called "gypsy caravans" are romantic and pleasant to look at, by contrast to modern utilitarian motor-homes and caravans;

WHEREAS many breeds of horse would benefit greatly from an increase in the size of their gene-pool;

THEREFORE King Dominic of Lindsey, Monarch of Old Rectoryland, Emperor of the Colonies and Commonwealths, Defender of the Faiths, Commander of the armed forces, passes the following Act to become law on the 12th day of October this year of two thousand and eleven of the Common Era;

CONSISTING the following articles:

1. There shall exist a legal state officially known as "Licensed Itinerant".

2. This state shall apply voluntarily to any person who wishes not to reside permanently at a single address.

3. This state shall depend on the purchase of an Itinerancy License from a government office.

4. The government may at any time legislate upon requirements for the acquisition of said License, and charges for its purchase.

5. An Itinerancy License may be renounced at any time, but once it is done so may not be renewed for five years.

6. No person without an Intinerancy License may live without a permanent address, defined as one in which they must reside for at least seven months of the calendar year.

7. Any person with an Itinerancy License may reside in any public place for up to fourteen days, but shall be fined upon staying longer without attaining proper permissions from a government official.

8. Bearers of said License shall be exempt from council and other taxes except for the price of the said License.

9. No bearer of an Itinerancy License may purchase or use petroleum or diesel in any form, nor possess any vehicle making use of said fuels. Licensees are forbidden from ownership of any electric or other automobile, motorcycle, motor-tricycle, aeroplane. Bearers may own and use any pedal-powered vehicle, and use mass-transport such as buses and trains.

10. Bearers of said License may only reside within:

a Vardo or other similar mainly wooden, horse-drawn waggon
a tent of any material, decorated in neutral colours
narrow-boats or other historically important waterborne vessels

Any dwelling deemed not to fit the requirements of this act shall be subject to confiscation and the removal of the occupier's License.

11. Acquisition of an Itinerancy License shall not be dependent on lineage, race, or any other discriminatory distinction. Licenses shall be awarded in every case in accordance with the Bill of Rights.

12. Nobody shall be exempt under this act from seeking planning permission for any permanent or semi-permanent building or abode, and abiding by the decision of the relevant planning authority.

-----12.1 A building under this act is defined as any structure or dwelling, static-caravan, associated with permanent use or residence.

-----12.2 No planning permission shall be required for mobile homes, vardos, tents, or camps of other sorts, unless they do not meet the requirements laid down in article 10 of this Act, or the occupier does not have the relevant license.

-----12.3 This act shall not cover recreational camping on open access land or on registered campsites. Enforcers of this Act shall be required to use their common sense to decide what counts as recreational camping. Nobody may live in mobile accommodation of any kind for more than one month without acquiring an Itinerancy License.

13. Punishment for camping on public or private property in contravention of this act, whether through over-staying without permission, not being in possession of a License, use of unsightly caravans and dwellings, or through use of petrol or diesel fuelled vehicles rather than horse-drawn vehicles, shall be in the form of a heavy fine, confiscation of property, and/or imprisonment.

---13.1 Persons contravening this act shall not be eligible for compensation.

14. Any person committing any other criminal offence while holding an Itinerancy License shall have said license revoked and any livestock or other Itinerant Associated items confiscated. In this case the offender shall be compensated for loss.

15. An Itinerancy License shall be valid indefinitely.

http://www.tinyhousedesign.com/

King Bans Roman Catholic Child Abuse Cult; Declares War on Vatican City

2010-03-21T13:43:00.000-07:00

The King has this evening announced that the "dangerous cult" of Roman Catholicism is to be banned throughout the territory and empire of Lindsey. Unlike Scientology, which is banned only within the central Old Rectorian territory of greater Lindsey, this ban applies to all the areas answerable to the Imperial Althing.

The ban comes after fresh revelations in the cases of child abuse by Catholic priests in Ireland and Germany, but sources close to the King inform the Old Rectorian News that the action follows a gradual build up of grievances against the cult; it is now officially documented as being "a very severe risk to people everywhere, including citizens of Lindsey".

Critics have protested strongly against the ban, claiming it is an infringement of the constitutional separation of church and state - the freedom of thought and belief protected by the Bill of Personal Rights passed unanimously by Governors in 2007.

One sceptical protestor was vehement in his condemnation of the move. "They can't do it - it's a violation of our rights! This is exactly what we would expect from such a morbidly atheistic dictator-king: if he starts now with Catholicism, where will it lead? It's a slippery slope, I tell you, and though I'm an agnostic myself, I intend to oppose the law."

The office of the King dismissed such criticism out of hand, however. An official statement attempted to allay fears by carefully delineating between freedom of thought, and freedom of action.

"The Bill of Personal Rights does not afford rights of existence to any organisation or church. The rights it lays out are applicable solely to people. The new law will ban only the practice of Roman Catholicism, and ban foreigners ordained into the cult from entering Lindsey without special permission, which may not be forthcoming. It will be illegal to hold any kind of Catholic mass or observance outside the private dwelling, and any that are held will be subject to investigation by social service agents.

"This law will not make belief in the truth of Roman Catholicism a 'thought crime', and explicitly so. It limits actions and practices, and only those. This is not without precedent: people are at liberty to think as much as they want about rape or murder, but are not allowed to act on these thoughts. It is not a human right to be allowed to act in accordance with one's beliefs, where those beliefs involve the risk of harm to others.

"This kind of discrimination is freely practiced by other states: the United Kingdom still bans Catholics from the throne. There is nothing in the UN's human rights act, or our own bill of personal rights, to prevent the state arresting and prosecuting anyone found to be acting as a priest of the Catholic Church.

"We are faced with an organisation such as this cult, in which, by its own admission, one in twenty of its priests abuse children, and where the remaining ninety per cent are actively or passively involved in protecting this institutionalised pædophilia.

"Everyone, from the elected head of this organisation - who was complicit both in directly enabling child-abuse himself, and in putting in place the mechanisms for silencing abuse-victims and protecting the abusers - right down to the bishops, is guilty of most serious crimes against humanity. Our children are simply not safe in the care of an organisation in which abuse is so endemic, where trust can no longer exist between priest and family, and our citizens must be protected.

"This is an organisation in which deniers of the Holocaust are allowed to fill senior roles, and which spreads harmful misinformation about sexual behaviour, directly in contradiction with the state's own, causing huge problems. Its clergy have launched hate-attacks against other minority belief groups, labelling them subhuman. They have sold children. They openly admit that they would rather a 9-year-old girl die in childbirth than allow an abortion, after she has been raped by her step-father.

"The cult institution itself is immensely untrustworthy, hypocritical, a disgusting spreader of misinformation, and has extremely suspicious business practices. Their practices completely contradict our Bill of Personal Rights. Their history leads us to believe that should the opportunity arise for them to use force in their stated aim of converting the whole world, they may be prepared to do that.

"Such manifest evil can no longer be allowed within the Lindisfaran nation."

The King's office suggests that the position of the "dangerous cult" maybe reconsidered in future, if its practices are improved, and its leadership can convince the King or Queen of their professional competence.

A state of war shall also exist between the Kingdom of Lindisfaras and the State of the Vatican City. There are no plans currently to mobilise any kind of force against the State, which is of a considerably smaller size than Lindsey.

King to Expound on the political philosophy of Leopold Kohr

2009-10-26T06:43:00.000-07:00

The King has announced that he will be publishing a series of essays on the basis and implications of the philosophy of Leopold Kohr.

Kohr was a charismatic and intriguing individual, who, following the Second World War, formulated a theory he called the Power Theory of Social Misery, which links population size directly to war and social dysfunction - Kohr's suggestion being that we should therefore separate existing states into smaller parts to limit their ability to wage war.

Although the size of nations is still not widely accepted as a workable explanation for social and international evils (often the examples of Nauru and other South Pacific island states are given, to demonstrate that small nations are not necessarily more stable or peaceful) the apparent sense of the theory, and its utility in supporting micronational aspirations, makes works like The Breakdown of Nations well worth a read.

The King's essays, Morality, War, and Kohrian Micronationalism, can be found here: Part One, Part Two, Part Three

King meets Jeffery Archer. Is nonplussed.

2009-10-26T06:36:00.000-07:00

On Saturday evening, the King and former UK politician Jeffery Archer were guests of the Christ's College Politics Society founding dinner. Archer and King Dominic briefly discussed Louth, Lindsey and the relative merits of micronationalism, after Lord Archer addressed the diners. Both dignitaries were well accepted by the company.

Archer, who was once described by Ringo Starr as "a nice enough fella, but [...] the kind of bloke who would bottle your piss and sell it", spoke about Cambridge students' potential for leadership, before attempting to justify politicians' expenses and bankers' bonuses.

The King has expressed his gratitude for the excellent dinner and hopes to attend many more events with the Politics Society in the near future.

Lindisfaran passport office opens its doors

2009-09-25T14:59:00.000-07:00

The Lindisfares Færendecarte Dæl (LFD) today announced that for the first time in the nation's history, it can now afford to economically provide all citizens with passports at an affordable price.

Passports are designed as an all-purpose identity card and proof of citizenship, invaluable for intrepid travellers overseas. Personalised with photographs and personal details, these important documents are essential in guaranteeing state-aid.

They are soon to be available for a small processing fee of £6 (plus postage and packing if required).* Citizens may apply now, here! Not a citizen? Want a passport? Become a Lindisfara now!

The LFD was established early in the history of Old Rectoryland, as a government body responsible for issuing and administrating passports for Old Rectorians.

This is the first set of passports it has issued, ordering by royal decree an initial run of ten (10) smart færendecartan (passports) from their publisher.

The king declined to comment, as he was busy making coffee.

*The LFD reserves the right to raise or lower the price of passport processing at any time.

King sets to rights rumour of an 'Atheist Agenda'

2009-09-15T05:11:00.000-07:00

Word arrived at the Vicaridomus Palace last week that certain citizens of the Kingdom of Lindsey had raised questions as to the religious neutrality of our nation's government.

Asked for a statement, the King confirmed that his personal activities in 'militant' atheism is entirely personal, and in no way reflects on the policies of law or government.

"Separation of Church and State are constitutionally protected." his secretary told the Old Rectorian News, "Many members of the government and royal family are religious to some extent, and census results reveal that citizens of Muslim, Christian, and even neo-Pagan faiths are included in the rich cloth of Rectorian diversity."

We can also confirm that the government has never to date released any legislature bearing on any form of religious belief or practice, other than the designation of Wilksby's All Saints' Cathedral and provision of non-denominational pastor thereof, Bishop Benjamin Wood. Bishop Benjamin was unavailable for comment, but officials informed us his official job-description as Minister for Religion is "promoting understanding, education, and harmony between different religious and belief groups, and enforcing freedom of belief."

In a controversial move earlier this year, the King did outlaw "the cult of Scientology" in Old Rectoryland itself, leaving individual colonies to decide their own policy on the matter. This appears to be an isolated case, however, and has raised little comment from the citizenry.

Concerns over Old Rectoryland's secularism therefore appear to be unfounded, as much attention has been given to ensuring freedom of conscience since the nation's foundation. But can a militant atheist such as our king really be trusted to respect the non-overlapping magisteria of religion and politics? Only time will tell.

King Dom launches HAVIS appeal in Horncastle News

2009-09-09T09:34:00.000-07:00

Today's edition of the Horncastle News sees King Dom launching the long-awaited HAVIS (Horncastle Area Voluntary Integration Scheme) appeal in the Lincolnshire Market Town.

The aim of HAVIS is to integrate the population of Horncastle into the Kingdom of Lindisfaras peacefully by persuasion, since violent incursion into the territory of the UK is impracticable and likely to be unpopular.

Similar schemes are set to launch in other towns and villages across East and West Lindsey, Lincoln and Boston, though these may be put on hold indefinitely as the King returns to university later this month.

[Go to the HAVIS launch page]

[Become a facebook fan]

A Plinth Among Men: One monarch's hour in One&Other

2009-08-03T15:08:00.000-07:00

Even after I'd chatted briefly to one of the organisers on the phone, in a friendly and completely non-call-centreish fashion, it surprised me how friendly and smiley the folks on duty in Trafalgar Square's One and Other hospitality centre were, particularly at 4am on a Friday morning. Having parked across the way and wandered over the road, I was immediately greeted amiably by the security man outside who quipped about my sword belt and the large number of metal buttons screwing up the metal detector.

Then, once inside and introduced as "the four o'clock" I was taken through a few basic questions, offered tea, coffee or water (in mugs, not plastic cups, as my mother enthused afterwards) while officials bustled around the portacabin grinning with what seemed like practically orgasmic job satisfaction.

When I'd done me ablutions and the lady in red (who from a distance bore a striking resemblance to Mia Wallace) before me had been seen onto the plinth to dance, I was invited into the adjoining room for my interview. Each participant (or "plinther") is interviewed briefly about things like, uh, where they heard about the project (thanks, Catharine Watts and Facebook!) and why they plan to do what they're going to do on the plinth.

Of course, with less than an hour to go before I got up there, dressed smartly in my 'Kinging Uniform' and holding a nice looking Old Rectorian flag, I still had absolutely no idea what else I'd be doing up there. Thankfully I was jittery and excitable enough from the obscene quantities of coffee I'd ingested before setting off into the city that I had plenty to say, mainly about Old Rectoryland.

Not that I managed to say anything remotely true or interesting: it's long been known that one of the main reasons for the nation's existence is the comment it makes on the legitimacy of nationhood, and the essentially violent way in which governments and constitutions are forced upon their residents. Needless to say I forgot all of my existential, unconformist, artistic justifications and instead told her "well, it's cheaper than a model railway..."

Then I had my picture taken in the studio and finally sat around for fifteen minutes, only a little nervous and determined to take the thing in my stride, waiting for my turn in the bucket of the JCB. Wearing a long wooden scabbard as I was, it was impossible to sit anywhere but the arm of the sofa while my belatedly arrived parents glanced around by my side and I answered occasional questions about university and things from the lovely blonde lady whose dad was a Routemaster busdriver.

My time came, eventually, to be driven across the square by a bearded chap, and into the bucket I got, nearly forgetting my flag. Thankfully Mum, Dad, and cousin Jez (who'd arrived minutes before on the night-bus from Clapham) were around for...um...moral support and making sure I was too inhibited to try shouting anything controversial.

Once deposited on the plinth itself, I found time went quite slowly. I walked up and down, waving or holding the flag, occupying myself by thinking and trying to aim it into the light and changeable breeze that fluttered across the waters of the silent fountain below. I avoided the accusing stare of the illuminated clock opposite, and concentrated on being as aesthetically pleasing and statuesque as possible. It was pitch black when I went up (except for the blinding lights) and I found it more pleasing to measure the passage of time by checking occasionally how clearly I could make out the outline of Nelson in the sky.

Occasionally I thought of something pretentious, and said it quietly into the mike (although I was being honest when I commented on the deep conversations I sparked among the few onlookers not staring into a can of white lightning, or doing somersaults in roller blades down the steps of the National Gallery.

Disappointingly, my parents handed out very few leaflets (which were their own idea) and I've only had 98 hits on OldRectoryland.com the whole weekend. This after optimistic speculation about whether I ought to set up a No. 10 petition for people to sign, asking for recognition of our autonomy. Nor did I have any particularly deep thoughts up there, other than appreciating the bright pink sunrise over St Martin-in-the-Fields, and the wheel-based acrobatics of the ten year olds. I'm a person who does not get bored easily, perfectly happy standing in silence for any length of time, so this was neither any great hardship nor any great opportunity.

One of 2,400 plinthers between now and October, I did not feel particularly unique either, except in the sense that, human consciousness being what it is, I had a more solipsistic hour than usual. The sense of remoteness and separation, indeed of being 'put on a pedestal' gave the unavoidable sensation that I was the one spectator, looking over a world of performers. Or at least a square of poorly trained clowns. On the way down I wished I could remember Jacque's speech from As You Like It, but I only got as far as "one man in his time plays many parts" without remembering how "struts his hour upon the stage" (appropriate, eh?) fitted in exactly.

I confined myself, in the end, to a final fist-thrust and bellow of "Free Lindisfaras!" in answer to my gathered Irish supporters before I was lowered sedately to the ground, replaced by an odd woman on a global warming ticket (we didn't know if she was being serious or joking when she started talking about "my elves").

Then there was a brief debrief, I signed the visitors book, and we wandered off, down the Strand, into the sunrise.

King Dominic's interview and photographs will be deposited in the Wellcome Trust archives, along with footage of his hour-long vigil.

WAR WITH ELDC

2009-07-19T03:08:00.000-07:00

As of 12.30 this afternoon, Old Rectoryland is at war with East Lindsey District Council.

The decision to declare war was reached by the King after all other avenues had been pursued and failed, announcing in his speech to the nation today that a note requested by the Ministry of Offence with ELDC's confirmation that they would not be committing a threatened act of domestic terrorism upon Horncastle Town Hall had not been received by the 11am deadline this morning.

In his speech, the King explained the reasons for mobilising the nation's offensive forces, emphasising that "We have a clear conscience, we have done all that any campaign could do to establish peace, but a situation in which no word given by ELDC’s rulers could be trusted, and no people or town could feel itself safe, had become intolerable."

The ELDC announced its intention to destroy the well-loved civic building, which is rightfully owned by the townspeople, on Tuesday morning, against the advice of its professional advisors; however it is alleged that they had made a deal with an anonymous developer months or even years before the decision was officially taken.

In exclusive interviews with this newspaper, the King directly compared the plight of the Town Hall to that of Poland at the beginning of the Second World War, with ELDC in the place of the Nazis. This paper assumes therefore that the government of Old Rectoryland sees itself in the role of Britain, with the Town Hall Working Group and admirable, but hopefully more steadfast, France.

The Imperial Althing will be briefed this afternoon, and the King has also expressed the wish that all citizens, combatants and non-combatants, "play your parts with calmness and courage".

The full declaration of war, with the Kingdom of Lindisfaras' list of grievances, can be found here.

Third Annual Assembly of the Old Rectorian Althing

2009-07-11T05:29:00.000-07:00

Last night's assembly of Old Rectoryland's parliament has been heralded a great success by several of its attendees, governors and foreign delegates alike.

The Althing and after-party were well attended, and the wine, music, and love flowed freely all night.

The peace was disturbed only by the king (pictured, right, accepting the ceremonial milk from the Governor of Kiberian Catalan) who had rather too much to drink and, reportedly, became violent. The king unfortunately claims not to remember assaulting the Chairman Governor, Governor Bishop Wood, a foreign delegate, and a large tent, but believes the events may be attributable to his wish to "call it a night and go to bed", or to the anti-social behaviour, and even arson, of some attendees. He is reported to be slightly ashamed and very apologetic for his behaviour.

This morning, at 9am, Chairman Governor Louis McQuade of Edlingtonhal gave a short piano concert for the remaining governors and delegates, before leaving. The king has successfully cleaned up the remaining cans and bottles, reporting the casualties as one small, cheap folding table, and a heavily singed seat cushion. His glasses are still missing.

Next year, he asks that delegates refrain from playing with fire, and particularly from "lobbing footballs and s**t into next-door's garden" as unless these guidelines are adhered to, the traditional Althing meeting will have to be discontinued.

The conference was brought to an appropriate ending this morning by the arrival of prince Darren, bearing the Vicaridomus Palace's new flag, which now flies outside the Royal residence in Moorby.

Press Release: One And Other

2009-07-03T10:03:00.000-07:00

A press release regarding the King's forthcoming participation in Anthony Gormley's fourth plinth artwork has been issued by the Cyne Cranicescoppe (Royal Press Office) and can be downloaded here.

Old Rectoryland Battles for Wikipedia Entry

2009-06-29T05:58:00.000-07:00

Lindisfaras Eardstapenascoppa (Old Rectoryland's tourist board) is currently attempting to have Old Rectoryland appended to wikipedia's list of micronations. The information has been added to the table once; removed by user Yopie, who stated "this micronation is notable only locally"; reverted by user Witizen; and subsequently removed again by Ckatz.

Old Rectoryland meets the criteria for inclusion in this article. The Eardstapenascoppa today released a statement that the opposition to the addition of the information (which consisted of less than a kilobyte) displayed a "typically wikipedian anal-retentiveness and a sense of fun as detectable as the Higgs Boson". The King has refused to comment.

King Writes Defence of Old Rectorian Imperialism; Expects Criticism

2009-06-03T14:26:00.000-07:00

In what critics are calling an "ill advised attempt to fuse liberal politics with incompatible conservative nostalgia", King Dominic this evening released a defence of Old Rectorian's revival of Imperial Attitudes, which have been criticised as a sanitised and romanticised view of what was in reality a barbaric and reprehensible waste of life.

In his article, published on his blog here, linked to on the OldRectoryland.com website, and reposted on his facebook page, he attempts to show an awareness of the negative aspects of Imperialism historically, whilst drawing a distinction between their immorality and the good things that can be taken away from the period.

Among things he praises are the British "stiff upper lip" and introduction of technology, cricket, and standardised education to the colonies. This apparently reflects the monarch's longstanding approval of the middle-class attitudes born of the 18th and 19th centuries, largely lost and out of place in today's Americanised age.

He also referenced the "Empire" themed ball planned and rejected earlier this year by Emmanuel College, Cambridge, which confidants of the King report he was keen to attend.

Secretary to the King Sir Jasper de Bournville, who has not accompanied the King to university, only groaned and refused to comment when asked for his opinion; most agree, however, that the article is likely to come under a barrage of objections from those who claim he belittles the suffering of conquered peoples of the past, and idolises neo-nazi ideas. Governors such as Anarchist Samuel Hilton are predicted by pundits to be among the most disapproving.

the full article can be found here: http://woofkitty.blogspot.com/2009/06/defence-of-imperialism.html

Sneak Preview version of Old Rectoryland's New Hompage Launched

2009-06-02T08:57:00.001-07:00

The next few weeks will see the redevelopment of Old Rectoryland's website in an effort to make the site slicker and more professional.

A preview version of the new hompage is available here.

The latest incarnation is the website's third since 2005. The development team hope this one will last.

One And Other: The King Makes A Stand

2009-06-02T06:23:00.000-07:00

The Office of King Dominic has just released the news that the King has accepted a place in artist Anthony Gormley's One and Other art project.

The King will be standing on top of a plinth in Trafalgar Square on the morning of Friday, 31st July, for one hour.

In an interview, the King admitted "I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do, yet. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be art for an hour--and only an hour. Which means I have to think carefully about how I spend it, because once the time's gone, it's gone."

He added that he had considered pleading for the independence of the Kingdom of Lindsey, or (considering the ungodly hour at which he will be 'art') simply standing on the plinth in uniform and a heroic pose, clutching Old Rectoryland's flag.

The King is expected to announce his decision at the State Opening of Parliament, but may leave it as late as the 28th of July.

2009 State Opening of Parliament

2009-05-31T11:28:00.000-07:00

The State Opening of Parliament 2009 has been announced as planned for this 10th of July, at an unspecified location.

After the traditional 'presentation of the milk' ceremony, the gathered Colonial Governors, aristocracy, and international observers will be greeted personally by His Majesty, King Dominic I.

It is rumoured that the Honoured Guests will then have a group photograph taken.

A small and exclusive reception will be held afterwards for those attending; the event is exclusive, though a petition to the palace may result in a nomination for a place on the guest list.

The King, who returns briefly from his final term of his first year at Cambridge University on the 18th of June, before a Royal Tour of Bristol and Devon, was not available for comment.

ORBC1 News' New Home!

2009-05-31T10:41:00.000-07:00

In an attempt to make updating Old Rectoryland's News page easier, the Old Rectorian Broadcasting Corporation will be broadcasting live news here from now on. The blog will cover news, views, and current affairs; contact the King for a column on the blog today! and he'll give you a password or something I guess.

Watch this space for World news and news of Old Rectoryland and the Horncastle area!